May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
