just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
