from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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