therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
