she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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