Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
