Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
