problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
