last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
