R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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