Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
