I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
