I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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