Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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