so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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