big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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