It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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