Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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