I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
