i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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