She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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