Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
