You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
