You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
