The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
