Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
