Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
