im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
