I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The struggles of a small town man whore
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
