You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
