Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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