i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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