I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
