Someone shit on the floor
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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