now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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