i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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