I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
