i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
