I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
