Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
