The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
