Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its not stalking. its research.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
