don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
