turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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