Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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