remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
