The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
