Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
