Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
