I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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