I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
