My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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