Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm eating all of the evidence.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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