Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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