Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
