Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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