I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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