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i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
