He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
