and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
