i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
