He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize