how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
