I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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