I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
