people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
