The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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