Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
