thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
