When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
