I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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