i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
