Do vagina's smell?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize