And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
