i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
