So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
