The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He did a backflip because drugs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize