I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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