Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
