I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
