I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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