I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
