Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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