1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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