Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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