theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
