if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
