my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
