I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
