shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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