Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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