who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
