I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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