Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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