You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
