Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
