so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
