I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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